I love flying. Don’t get me wrong, the hectic holiday crowds at the airport, waiting in long lines to check your bags only to be told that they are immensely overweight, the hassle of removing your shoes and belt and placing your laptop in a bin on its own to get through security, the lack of legroom on the flight…not the finest aspects traveling. But planes, for some reason, provide me with a unique freedom to think. Sure its noisy, and my current location in the last row of the plane right next to the “lavatories”—do they think they sound less gross when they use that name?—does not smell pleasant. But, when flying alone I find an unusual amount of clarity. Maybe it has to do with being far enough away from my problems to literally rise above them. Or maybe it’s the white noise. It could even be the view of the midnight sky from the window. Regardless, I have found throughout my twenty years of life that I do my best thinking on airplanes.
So what remarkable conclusions has my airplane clarity brought me today? Well to give you a better understanding, you should know that I haven’t been home in over four months. May not sound like a huge chunk of time, but considering I’ve lived in the same house, in the same city my entire life, and that before this, the longest I had been away was eight weeks…it’s been a while. People who know me, however, would probably be surprised to learn that I have in fact missed home and am beyond ready to get there.
You see, I’ve always had a sort of adventurous spirit. I love to travel. I love venturing off to new places, meeting new people, and living new experiences. I get bored easily and am always craving new and exciting change. [During my junior and senior year of high school, for example, my idea of constantly changing things up was dying my hair a different color or drastically changing the length or style about every six weeks] That’s one of the main reasons I decided to head to New England for college. I was ready for a change…I always am, really. I wanted new weather, new friends, a new culture, a whole new life. I found it, and I absolutely fell in love with it. Clark University, Worcester, Massachusetts even, quickly and easily became my new home. I soon found myself referring to college as home and Dallas as “Dallas”.
Another factor contributing to this easy transition was that I had always considered my close friends to be my chosen family. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and wouldn’t change them for the world. But I grew up with a bit of a dysfunctional family—we all do these days—and found myself more attached to whoever my best friends were at the time than my parents and siblings. With one exception really: the older I got, the closer I grew to my mom. Until she pretty much became my best friend. She’s still my mom, but I really consider her more of a friend than a parent. She was never too good at the whole discipline thing. The word “no” is really just not in her vocabulary when it comes to conversing with her children. We have so much fun together, and we talk about everything. So, I really group her more with the close friends than biological family.
Anyway, my friends had always been my family. Traveling alone without my parents and siblings at a young age didn’t bother me at all. The idea of moving too far away to come home anytime other than holidays didn’t faze me either. I can honestly say that until the end of this semester, I had never been “homesick” in my entire life. BUT…things recently changed. In the past month or so I’ve learned that when shit hits the fan. When you learn that things aren’t quite what you thought they were. When life throws you a huge curveball and you are entirely unprepared for it. Well, you realize that your friends are really just friends, and your family…is what you need to carry on. It’s everything. And it’s utterly irreplaceable.
They might be crazy. They might disagree with your values or disapprove of the path you’ve taken in life. They might have spent a massive amount of effort trying to change who you are. They might live their life in ways you drastically disapprove of. They might not have always been there. For sports games, dance recitals, what have you. Or even for the big moments when you really needed them to be there. They might have torturously made fun of you during your childhood or even your teenage years. Maybe it was your braceface, your baby fat that stuck around way longer than it should have, your tendency to be an overachieving nerd, your lack of athletic ability, your awkward phase, whatever. They might have even forced you into therapy to figure out how much psychological damage they caused you and how to deal with it.
Doesn’t matter. When the very ground you’re standing on begins to shake uncontrollably, and when everything around you seems to be crashing down because of it. They. Will. Be. There. And even more importantly, YOU will find yourself in desperate need for them to be there. You’ll realize how much you truly love them despite the all the dysfunctional shit they put you through. You’ll realize that you need them. You’ll want to be with them. No matter how supportive the friends surrounding you are or what an amazing home you’ve made for yourself elsewhere. You’ll want to be home spending time with your family. And you’ll finally cherish them for the blessing that they are. The crazy, weird, dysfunctional gift that you wouldn’t trade for anything. It might take a turbulent disaster, or what only seems be at the time, but it will teach you to love your family for every bit of who they are. And I’m pretty sure that’s a lesson worth learning.
Maybe you can’t relate because you have a great relationship with your family and always have. Or maybe you don’t and can’t see a time in your future when you will get there. Or maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about, because you’ve lived it, too. Doesn’t matter really. This is what I’ve learned, and I think it’s worth passing on. Take it for what you will. But take my word for it…family is everything. Even when you think you’re independent enough for them not to be. They are.
So maybe as a little homework assignment you could thank your family for simply being your family…by baking them some cupcakes! Nothing says thank you better than red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, in my opinion :)
