This sense of purpose and belonging has led me to consider graduating from Clark a year early so that I can move to Nashville in less than a year. It's been a decision weighing heavy on my mind for weeks. It's practically all I've been thinking about. Logistically, it's completely doable. I have enough credits that by simply taking 2 extra courses a semester, I can graduate with my double major in May.
I've spent a couple of weeks now sharing this idea with my friends at school and my family. Trying to explain where my thought process is. That I feel in my heart that this is where I'm meant to be, and that graduating early makes sense for me. That I've never in my life known so strongly what God wants me to do in any particular moment. That my heart's on fire here. Passion is overflowing within me. I'm inspired. I feel so alive and present. I know that the work I'm doing for eXile is making a difference. And I'm using the passions and skills that God gave me to make that difference. I love the work I do...so much that I don't mind one bit spending nearly every waking moment on it. I love the people I work with. I've truly found community here. I feel like this city is on fire for God. That so many people and organizations here truly care about the world and every human being in it. People here seem more aware. More concerned. More motivated to act. More alive with passion.
I've gotten two types of responses from those I care about who I've shared this with. All in different forms and using different words. But two basic answers nonetheless...
The first: You have your whole life to work. Why would you leave college early to start working? To be in the real world? You should stay and have fun. Stop and smell the roses. Breathe a little. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up. besides, you'll never make any money working for a nonprofit. How are you going to provide for yourself? Aren't you settling? What if you wait and see what other jobs are out there before you commit yourself? There could be something better for you. You never know, you could be selling yourself short.
And the second: Yeah...I mean I'd never do it...but that's totally something you would do. It makes sense for you. I can see why you'd want to do that. It's a very "Jessie" thing to do.
After listening to someone give me the first response the other day, I realized that they just didn't know me. Or my heart. That they didn't get my passions or understand how I'm wired. It doesn't mean that they don't care about me immensely. Just that they don't know my heart as deeply as I would like.
That's when I realized the main reason I love Nashville so much...
I feel known here.
It sounds simple. Not like a huge reason to graduate early and move somewhere.
But it's actually quite huge. To feel known. It's incredibly significant.
Refreshing.
Reviving.
Inspiring.
I'm not saying I don't love being around people with different passions. God placed different passions and callings in each of our hearts for a very important reason. No passion is better than another. No cause more worthy. No calling more important. We are gifted in different ways, because there is beauty in diversity. It's what allows us to learn from each other. It's what enables us to complement each other. It's why we always work better and accomplish more as a team. We were made for community. Designed differently for a unique purpose. Because this world has a huge variety of needs. We thrive in community.
All that to say...I love my friends who are wired differently than I am. I learn from them every day. I'm so grateful to have them in my life.
But that doesn't take away from the fact that it feels good to not only have your heart known...but to also have it shared. It's refreshing to be surrounded by people whose very hearts beat for the same passions as mine. It's invigorating. It challenges me. To dream bigger. To act more consciously. To work harder. To believe more strongly. It inspires me. Most importantly, it fuels my passions. Keeps me on fire. And keeps that flame burning stronger than ever inside of me.
When I think about graduating from Clark early, I think about The Road Not Taken, a poem by Robert Frost.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I love this poem. I always have. And when I look back on some of the bigger decisions I've made in my life thus far...(I know I'm only 20, but there have been a few)...I think it's safe to say that I have been one to take the road less traveled by. I don't make my decisions based on what others think is normal. What is expected in this world and in our culture. I don't do what is considered right or appropriate by others. I don't make my decisions based on anybody's opinions. And I don't take the road most traveled by.
I take the road less traveled by. I follow my own heart and instincts. I live by what my passions dictate. When I encounter something that makes my heart beat stronger, that fuels my soul, that fills me with joy, that makes me feel truly alive...I follow it. I go for it. And when I hear God speak directly into my heart...I listen. And I act.
When you know you are supposed to do something, you aren't being true to yourself if you let fear or worry keep you from doing it. If your excuse for saying no has something to do with the fact that it's not the typical route...not the way most people would do it...not what you ever pictured yourself doing...then that is even more of a reason to do it. No one ever accomplished anything by following the crowd. Doing whatever everyone else does. Following expectations. Being normal.
I'm choosing to listen to my heart. To listen to God. To follow the path He's chosen for me, rather than the one the world says is "normal". It doesn't matter if people understand it. It doesn't matter if it's not what they would choose to do. It doesn't even matter if it's something I never thought I would do.
Sure it's a little bit scary. There's a lot of unknown in decisions like these. No guarantees. No predetermined destinations. There's really know way of knowing where it will take me.
But there is one guarantee. You see when God asks us to take a risk...to take a leap of faith for Him, just because He says so...He will be there to catch us. His arm is already stretched out waiting for us to grab it. All we really have to do is listen to what He's saying. And once we hear Him...take that first little step. As we move toward Him, He moves toward us. And if we just take that first step, He'll lead us the rest of the way home.
So some people might say it's crazy. Some people might not get it. Or see where I'm coming from. They might think its rushing...or settling...or whatever. Because it's not normal. It's not what everyone else would do. It's risky.
But I am choosing to take the road less traveled by.
Because I've done so before...and like Robert Frost...
I know it has made all the difference.
