Lately I have been thinking a lot about my future. I find myself spending hours sitting at my computer looking into graduate school programs, internship opportunities, and websites for organizations I'd love to work for someday. I catch myself taking notes in class about summer plans or future career paths instead of the lecture. It's been a ridiculously busy season for me at school, yet somehow I always end up spending the little amount of free time I have contemplating what I want to do with my life.
It's a rather intimidating subject to think about. I'm only a sophomore in college, but somehow I find it necessary to think about these things. My last post was all about my tendency to plan and overanalyze. But don't worry...even though this post sounds very similar, it is heading in a different direction. You see, there's something unique about this obsession with contemplating my future. It's not just a sit down, make some to do lists, and plan things out situation. It’s more than that.
It's about passion. Enthusiasm. Excitement. Zeal. Let me explain....
I've always been one of those people who could be classified as a nerd. I enjoy school. That's an understatement. I love school. Before college, I was always that kid who couldn't wait for summer to come to an end so I could go back to class. I would spend extra time on projects, because I'd get really into them and excited about them. Homework was fun for me. I know, weird. But somehow it was. I loved putting a huge amount of effort into an assignment and the feeling of accomplishment that came with turning it in and getting a good grade. Yeah, I know. That's literally the definition of a nerd. Which is what I was...or am.
In college, I've been that student that gets ridiculously excited at the end of every semester when courses for the next semester get posted online. Who then sits at her computer for hours reading the course descriptions, getting all excited about my potential professors and schedules. I still get excited about projects that relate to my particular interests, and there are some classes that I really enjoy. The ones that relate to the types of work I can see myself doing someday in the real world. But other than that, I don't find myself very enthused about school anymore. I'm sure that's normal. It's college after all. More reading, more homework, tougher exams, higher expectations on papers and projects. But I don't think that is what's responsible for my change of heart.
More than getting excited about school these days, I find I have a huge passion for the extra-curricular activities I'm involved with. The on-campus groups I volunteer my time with provide me with so much more joy than my classes do. In reality, I spend triple the amount of time and effort working on things for these groups. I get so enthusiastic when I'm working on projects and planning on-campus events for them. My involvement in these extra-curricular activities keeps me motivated. Makes me happy. Helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something useful for my future. Slowly paints a better picture of what I want to dedicate my life to. When I get frustrated with school, wish with all my heart that I could just be back in Africa doing real work to help those in need, these clubs remind me that I am doing something at college, too. That although my heart is not totally here, I have a purpose. That I'm making a difference in some small sort of way. That I'm learning and developing skills that will help prepare me for whatever work I end up doing someday. I think the source of excitement for my extra-curricular activities is the exact same source for my enthusiasm about my future.
I have these passions that keep me on fire for life. That's what passions do if you give them the authority to take over your life choices. They motivate you. Encourage you. Fuel and energize you. I have a passion for serving others in need, for helping the vulnerable, for being a voice for the voiceless, for using my abilities and skills to make a difference in the lives of others, to help bring more justice into the world, to help restore dignity to the poor, hope in the lost, faith in the discouraged. I don't know exactly what that looks like. Obviously I can't yet. But I do know that is what my heart begs me to live for. It's what encourages me to study certain things in school, to participate in certain clubs, to pursue certain opportunities. Its what motivates me to learn as much as I can at college, even though my heart longs to be in Africa. To drop out of school and do real work. Unrealistic and stupid as an idea like that would be, it inevitably enters my mind every time I get frustrated or discouraged. When I feel stuck in college. Like I'm not making the difference I know I'm capable of.
So, like I said...this obsession with contemplating my future thing is about passion. Enthusiasm. Excitement. Zeal. It's me trying to be happy with where I am by getting excited about where it might help me end up. It's my way of recreating that passion for school that keeps drifting farther and farther away.
It's not planning out details like I do everyday in my to do lists. It's dreaming. Dreaming of potential paths I can take. Creative brainstorming in essence. I find myself thinking up crazy ideas about a nonprofit organization I could start on my own. What it would do, how it would function, who it would benefit, what problems it would address, where it would be, how it would be funded, how it would be sustainable. I scribble it on a page in my notebook in class. I write it down at night when I'm journaling. I know...I'm 20. I'm a sophomore. I don't even have a college degree yet. But I can't help it. I allow my passions to consume me, because I know if I don't I won't be living life as big and full as is possible. I allow them to set me on fire for a cause, for a dream. I allow them to develop these crazy illusions in my mind about things I can accomplish someday. People I can work with someday. Places I can go someday. Someday, not today. But I dream today to get me to someday.
If we don't dream, we settle. Maybe there is something in between. But I see it as one or the other. We all have immense potential to do incredible things, but we have to believe in ourselves in order to reach that potential. Going for our dreams is what allows that to happen. And we can't go for them, unless we allow ourselves to create them in the first place. No fear of whether or not they will ever come true, whether or not we have it in us. Nope. Just faith. Faith that we are powerful in heart, mind, and spirit. That we are hard enough workers to make it happen. That we are smart enough people to pull it off. That we are passionate enough hearts to stay excited and energized. And most importantly, that we believe strongly enough in ourselves to never give up.
It sounds cheesy. Just like everything else I write about, because that's just how I'm wired. But think about all the great people in this world who have accomplished incredible things. Do you think they told themselves, no, it will never happen? It's too hard a fight. Too much time and energy to make it happen. I'm not strong enough, smart enough, motivated enough. No. They believed in themselves, and went for their dreams with every ounce of soul inside them.
Is there something you heart longs to do? Is there a passion within you that sets you on fire to make a change? If there is, listen to it as hard as you can. It was placed there for a very important reason. But unless you believe in yourself enough to fight for it with all of your strength, the world will never be lucky enough to find out.
So, let your passions fuel you. Inspire you. Move you. Keep the fire burning as long as it takes to make it happen. Don't let anyone around you try and blow it out. They can't unless you let them. It's yours. It's yours to believe in, work for, and make a reality. And I guarantee you, you will be more alive and the world will be a better place if you do.
