Thoughts on Love

I've always believed that we were put on this earth to love each other. In every sense of the word. To be with each other. To share each other's presence. To hold each other in times of heartache. To walk hand in hand when we are scared. To share pieces of ourselves and our hearts with others. To receive parts of others' hearts in return. To hold on to them, protect them, and cherish them. To show compassion and kindness. To meet each other where we are without any judgment. To accept each other as we were made. As we are. As we intend to be.

I've always believed we were created to do life together. Not alone. That we were not made separate creatures to live separate lives. But that we were made as unique individuals with various passions and hearts so that we could share our beautiful souls, each made like no other, with other souls. We were created to be a community. Not a bunch of individuals walking on this earth alone. But a community.

You see, as much as we are different, in values, passions, dreams, and desires...we are the same. We are all walking on this fallen earth trying to live life the best we can. Trying to live by our values, explore our passions, accomplish our dreams, and fulfill our desires. We all fall. And we all have the opportunity to get back up and give it another try. And we all usually fall again after that. We all get lost. Confused. Lonely. Discouraged. But this shared experience allows us to meet each other in that pain. In that dark and scary place where we all get stuck from time to time. To reach out a hand and say, "It's okay. I've been there. But grab my hand, and let's walk through this together."

This is the most basic way in which we were created...to love. To do life together and act as a community. Loving each other with our whole hearts. No exceptions.

But, I think there's more than that. Not only to love, but to experience being in love. To find that person who we choose to give our heart away to, who gives us their heart in return. It's the biggest risk we'll ever take. Giving our heart away without knowing what will happen to it. We'll never be able to know for sure if they'll protect it or break it.

But I think it's the ultimate risk worth taking.

If we allow someone the privilege of coming into our hearts. Of getting to know our soul in its naked truth. Peering into every corner. Down the deep holes where pain lingers and around the broken edges where heartache hit and damage remains. Seeing every ounce of who we are, what we're about, and how we got there...we have the opportunity to experience being known. Being truly and deeply known. And only after being known...can we experience the blessing of being loved. Right where we are. As we come. With all of our baggage. Holes. And broken edges.

This is not just love. It's true love. The same love we receive from Jesus. Who looks at us and sees us as we are. Broken. Damaged. Unclean. And at the same time, as the person he created us to be. He meets us where we are. And loves us despite every heavy piece of baggage we carry with us. He knows every small crack in our hearts. How deep it is. What caused it. The number of nights we spent crying over it. Every relationship it has prevented us from giving a fair shot. Each question it has caused us to ask ourselves. He knows our doubts and fears. Our dreams and desires. Our deepest passions and longings. He looks at us. And he sees...US. For all that we are and all that we can become.

And he doesn't just love us by showing us grace, forgiveness, compassion, and comfort. He loves us as a lover would. He romances us. Showing up in the way our heart knows how to see him. In a light breeze, a breathtaking sunset, a peaceful silence. He calls us to spend time alone with him. To merely enjoy his presence. To share all of our deepest secrets, hopes, and fears. To come to him for comfort. To lean into him for rest and refreshment. To let him protect us. Conquer our fears. Rebuild our lost trust. Piece our broken heart back together. To let him wrap his arms around us and hold us close in our deepest suffering. To come to him knowing we will not be judged. But that we will be loved. For who we are and for all that we have yet to become.

The way Jesus loves us is romantic. He calls us to be intimate with him. To look at him as our true love. He is our truest lover.

It is because of the way Jesus loves us that I believe so strongly that we are meant to give our hearts away on this earth. Jesus calls us to love others as he loves us. And we can do this every day. By showing compassion, grace, and forgiveness to others. By meeting people where they are. Seeing them and loving them with all of the baggage and brokenness they bring. And at the same time seeing them as the person they were made to be. By dismissing our culture of judgment and adopting Jesus' culture of unconditional love and acceptance.

But, this doesn't completely mimic his love. Because his love is also intimate. Romantic. In order to truly love like Jesus, I think we also have to be willing to take the risk of putting our heart out there. Of searching for an intimate partner. To share our life with. To love in the truest sense of the word. As Jesus loves us.

I think intimate relationships are the ultimate opportunity given to us by God to learn how to love another human being in the unique way that Jesus loves us.

That doesn't mean they are safe. Relationships are absolutely risky. And many of them end in gut wrenching heartache.

But think about the true and unconditional love that Jesus gives each of us. Do we all return it back to him? No. Some of us don't bother making an effort at all. Many of us try. But none of us love him as well as he loves us. He gets rejected. Abandoned. Questioned. Dumped. All of the time. Every day. By so many to whom he gives the truest love in the world. But regardless of that risk and the odds he is working with, he chooses to love us.

When I think about how many times I've put my heart out there only to get hurt, I like to remind myself of these lyrics by Katie Herzig:

Wounded, you let your guard down and feel stupid
You wish you never would have trusted
Your heart in someone else’s hands
But it’s all ok
I think you may have made the best mistake
I think we’re made to give ourselves away
Cause there’s no other way to live

Getting hurt sucks. There is no way around it. And no better way to describe it. Sometimes it sends you into that dark, scary, lonely pit. Where you begin to question who you are and what you're worth. Do I really deserve someone that great? Am I even good enough for love like that. Can I ever trust another human being after what just happened? Will I ever find someone to share life with? Are there even any good ones out there to share it with?

It leaves you broken and bruised. With scars that seem to constantly remind you of the damage done to your heart in the past. And what a huge risk it is to put it back out there. Our bodies are conditioned that way. Bruises and scars are supposed to remind us that whatever we did to damage our body was bad, and we should probably avoid doing it again.

But I agree with Katie Herzig. There's really no other way to live. Sure it's safer to keep your heart guarded up behind a big wall, closed off to the rest of the world. Your heart is definitely protected that way. But it's also never going to experience being held and intimately cared for by another person. And I think that's the biggest mistake we could ever make.

Intimate relationships not only allow us to love another the way that Jesus loves us. They also teach us a lot about how he loves us. Healthy intimate relationships show us what his unconditional love looks like in a more concrete way. They help us visualize and understand his true love by providing concrete examples from another human being. At the same time, unhealthy intimate relationships show us what Jesus' love for us does not look like. Where humans fail to love us completely and full, Jesus does not. These relationships that lead to pain and brokenness help us learn to see true love for all that it is. To appreciate the acceptance and grace that Jesus offers.

I'm in place where I'm stuck on the many times and ways I've been hurt as a result of putting my heart out there. My mind keeps going back to how deep the cuts were. How hard and lonely those nights could be. I find myself doubting the goodness of men. Questioning the possibility of ever being able to trust again. Of having a healthy relationship. Of even finding someone worth having a relationship with. It’s not a beautiful place full of hope and excitement. It's honestly dark and a little scary. And it's certainly hard to crawl out of sometimes.

But in the mist of it, I have the most bizarre sense of clarity on what love should be like. What love could be like. And although I'm having trouble believing in the possibility of finding it right now, I know it's out there. I know true love exists. Because I receive it and experience it with Jesus every day.

And that is enough. For now. I don't need to know I'll meet my soul mate someday. I don't need to know that "he" is out there searching for me, too. I don't need to know when or where or how I'll meet him and come to love him.

All I need is the constant unconditional love I receive from Jesus.

Because it's proof that true love exists.

            That I can learn how to give it.

                        And that I am worthy of receiving it.

And for now...that's all I need.