Driving home from the mall today, I turned into my neighborhood and experienced the streets I've known my whole life in an entirely new way. I passed by my elementary school and saw my 5-year-old-self walking through those once gigantic doors for the first day of Kindergarten. The image of searching in the grass for ladybugs during recess then raced into my mind. Then I thought of the many basketball practices I had in that gym, the talent shows for which I sang and danced on that wooden stage in the cafeteria, and the many yellow school busses I loaded for field trips, including the big finale of those six years: the fifth grade class trip to Sky Ranch.
Turning into my cul-de-sac, I remembered the day my neighbor and mom taught me how to ride my pink, glittery bicycle around that circle. I watched myself knocking on doors to sell Girl Scout cookies year after year. Thought about the first time I attempted to back out of my complicated driveway after getting my driver's permit. So many memories flashed through my head related to that circle I've lived on since the day my parents brought me home from the hospital.
People always say that when you have a sudden traumatic experience, your life "flashes before your eyes." I've never gone through a traumatic instance that brought on such a feeling. But today, for the first time, I started to understand what people mean when they use that phrase. It was as if my childhood was recurring in my mind, while someone held down the fast forward button at the highest speed possible. I didn't see everything. That would be impossible. But big moments. Memorable events. Even small things that I had completely forgotten. They rolled through my brain at warped speed. Allowing me to glance back at how full my 21 years of life had been. It was as if for the first time in my life, I felt...old. Adult. Separated completely from those childhood years.
I began to think about how much has happened in these 21 years of life I've lived thus far. At first, I was simply in awe. Of all the incredible experiences I've had, so many of which I hadn't thought about in years. Of the many life-altering events I've already encountered in that short amount of time. Of the crazy ways that my life has evolved. Developed. Moved. Changed.
Anyone who has taken developmental psychology, knows that experts in the field have long argued about the various stages of the life span. Attempting to categorize and define each stage that human beings travel through between birth and death. Some even starting their theories at conception. And anyone who has ever lived a moment on planet earth has observed that in reality, those stages are blurry and unique to every individual.
Regardless, however, everyone knows that one aspect of the human experience...is growth.
As humans, we don't only age...we grow. We develop. Through various experiences, we figure out what works for us. Who we are. What we believe in. What makes us burn with passion. What brings us down into the darkest depths. What kinds of people we like to be around. What we're good at. What we should never try again and instead leave to others. What makes us feel purposeful. Happy. Alive. What we want to fight for. What we want to live for. And what kind of person we want to be.
Then I began to think about where I am right now. The big decisions that are standing in front of me. The large milestones I am about to cross. The very huge ways that my life is about to change.
I am only a few days away from beginning my last semester of my undergraduate education. In a very short five months and 8 days, I will graduate from college. One month after that, I am planning on moving to Nashville. Not just to begin a job. But to start a new life.
You see, at this age so many of us think that we are running out of time. Approaching the end of the best chapter of our lives: college. Where we find ourselves. Discover real friendships. Figure out what we want to do with this life we've been given. Realize our beliefs and values. Dream our dreams. Experience a new level of independence and freedom. With the added bonus of a safety net. Grow. Develop. Become a unique individual.
But this season we are in, is not the beginning of the end.
In reality...
it's the end
of the beginning.
Those may sound like silly words. But they hold utter significance in the way we view this chapter and the other chapters in the book of our life.
I say this season is the end of the beginning, because while college students insist that we are independent adults doing real life...we are still only in the beginning of the huge life we have ahead of us. If you think of life as a book, it makes since for it to have a beginning, middle, and end. Or three volumes, if that's easier to grasp. In saying that, this chunk of our lives, while very significant and full of invaluable growth...is only still part of the beginning. But not just part of the beginning...the end of the beginning.
And what we are heading toward...at what seems like the speed of light...is the beginning of the middle. After college, that is when we start our real lives. Experience real independence. Form the important decisions. Try out different jobs and careers. Possibly go back to school to change fields. Or develop more of an expertise. Regardless of the way we go about it...the season we are heading toward, is the beginning of the major chunk, chapter, or volume of our lives. It's the time that instead of just dreaming, we realize our dreams. Instead of just learning in a classroom, we use what we've learned. To Act. Create. In the world. Instead of trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up, we try on a job and see how it fits.
And if we think we've experienced growth now...we have no idea how much we can really be stretched. Pushed. Pulled. And Grown.
For those of us who are getting close to graduation, we are entering the beginning of the end...of only the first volume of our lives. College might have been the culminating chapter in that volume. But what we experience next...what we're preparing to jump into...will be the first chapter in that heavy second volume of our lives.
There are moments when we pause and realize our lives are changing.
It's sometimes sad.
Usually terrifying.
And often exhilarating.
But it's always...Beautiful.
Because change means Growth. Bittersweet, but always beautiful, growth.
And only when we're growing, are we truly living.
A crazy, beautiful, complex, anything but stagnant life.
So stare change boldly in the face today. For the rest of this semester. For the rest of your life. Look at change with a little bit of fear and a lot of excitement..and always say nothing less than, "I'm ready for you and all that you hold." And when you do...don't forget to embrace it's pure and incomparable beauty.
Because change is...
And always will be...
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