Warning: this is one of those posts where I admit to being completely human. And somewhat of an arrogant ass hole. But hey, honesty is the best policy, right? And I think its safe to say that if you're reading this...you're human, too. Meaning, some days you've got a bit of arrogant ass hole running through your veins, as well.
Yesterday was rough. I felt utterly defeated. Definitely one of those days when you feel like the world is out to get you. Everyone ganging up on you and plotting your revenge. Waiting to see how long it will take before you just give up.
But the sad part is, my day really wasn't that bad. There weren't that many things that went wrong. And the things that did go wrong really weren't that awful. There were even distinct moments when I knew the cards were in my favor. That it could have been MUCH worse. That things were definitely turning around.
And yet, I was stuck in that place. That dark, seriously embarrassing, woe is me, my life is terrible...place.
It took everything in me not to burst out crying in public. I spent hours fighting back what seemed like liters of tears. My eyes were glossed over with water that was ready to pour uncontrollably at any second.
But why? Why was my day, my life so terrible? If anyone were to actually compare the blessings and unfortunate circumstances of my day, the first would undoubtedly outweigh the second. Hands down. Ten...twenty fold.
So why then do we get so caught up in the negative? Even though its such a tiny percentage of our reality?
It's addictive once you start. You get stuck in a cycle of complaint and pessimism. Not only is the glass half empty, but it's half empty of water when you'd really prefer it full of wine. Quickly you become certain that you're "suffering" far more than you "deserve." And instead of recognizing those inescapable instances of luck, you prefer to leave those unacknowledged and draw your own (and the world's) attention to the teeny, tiny misfortune's you've stumbled upon. As if it gives you more credit, authority, or clout. Even though you know its wrong, you want other people to notice and commend you for your perseverance as you take the "hardship."
If we're honest...we've all been there. You may be saying no inside, but come on. You're human just like me. And though this is an ugly place, we've all found ourselves there. So caught up in it we don't even realize how disgustingly selfish we're being. But, let's be real...we've all been there.
In school, its who got the least sleep last night studying for that big exam. Or who has the most papers due on that dreadful week after holiday break. In work its who got stuck with the crappiest assignments, has the longest to-do list, or had to stay at the office the latest. For moms its who has the most responsibilities of room-mom, soccer snack duty, and school field trip chaperon. For young adults, its who is struggling the most to pay their bills or working the farthest away from their dream job. Even with friends its who has the meanest boss, the least supportive family, or the worst heartbreak story.
As if all these "hardships" give us social capital or something.
Why do we compete for the title of suffering? I mean comparatively its not all that terrible in the first place.
But what is it about humans...or Americans...that makes being the unluckiest person so desirable?
There's all sorts of possibilities, but I'm gonna make a few guesses...
What if its the discomfort that comes with being blessed? You know that feeling of guilt for having it better than others. Perhaps that emotion is so strong that when life even resembles rough, we jump on it as an opportunity to identify with the less fortunate? With whom we so often seem drastically separated from. Or more realistically...we jump on the opportunity to separate ourselves from those folks who "have it all." For whom life is "easy." Maybe we are so uncomfortable with the obligation to help others who are less fortunate that we take any opportunity presented to us to separate ourselves from those on which the social obligation falls.
Or maybe we're just desperate for external validation? We're so unsatisfied with who we are and what we're doing in life that we need the approval, and even better, the praise and admiration, of others. And so we assume that focusing on, or more often wallowing in, our misfortune will result in pity from others. Which often verbalizes in the form of praise and admiration. That deep need for external validation that's rooted in lack of self-esteem or confidence. Maybe we just don't see ourselves as valuable, hard working, or good enough. And so we need the confirmation from others, and this is just one of the ways we know how to get it.
Or maybe its just a lack of good old humility? We think of ourselves as so great that we are above encountering adversity. That we are too hard working, excellent, skilled, or valuable to suffer. Our lives are above that misfortune. And so how dare the universe offer us a dose of humility in the form of real life circumstance. Its just not what we deserve.
I'm not sure what it is. Its probably different for every individual. And it could be some combination of these things or something different entirely.
All I know is that it is a horribly contagious epidemic in America. With disgusting symptoms that reflect poorly on who we are and who or what we represent.
And the only answer is humility.
Its not about what we deserve. Its not about what we don't deserve. Life isn't fair and this is a fallen world. We are told upfront that we will encounter trial and adversity. That we will have to struggle, work hard, and fight in this life.
I find it incredibly ironic that the best answer to this tendency, better than any I could come up with, is the exact thing my verse of the day hit on yesterday morning. And rather than absorb and listen to that advice, I reacted horribly, as many flawed humans would, to the circumstances, menial as they were.
1 Peter 5: 6-7 tells us (as beautifully translated by The Message): "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."
A small dose of humility may not be the first cure we think of.
But when struggling and in doubt as to why, its a very safe, go-to antibiotic. Flushing the negativity and selfishness out of your system. Cleansing you of your pride and arrogance. And even when you're not suffering, its a bit like Vitamin C. It may not seem crazy powerful. But you can never have too much, and a little bit goes a long way. Maintaining your health and preventing those nasty symptoms from returning.
In this case, humility alters your focus, which has the effect of zooming out on a camera. Your problem is still exactly the same. Still there in full form, firmly planted in reality. But the picture includes much, much more. Shrinking your problem and drawing your attention off yourself and onto your surroundings. AKA: Perspective.
Its only part of the picture. Its real. Important. Valid.
But only a small piece of a much greater reality.
And suddenly, whatever you're walking through isn't more than you can handle. With a small dose of humility, you can keep calm and carry on.
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