Closure: all that it isn't, all that it is & all that it can be

Closure...

It doesn't mean what happened was right. Or even the slightest bit okay.

It's not about friendship. It's not the beginning of anything new or more for that past relationship.

It's not easy. It's not fast. And it's not always what you think you want.

It's not holding onto the past. Carrying grudges. Placing blame.

It requires no perfect resolution over what happened. No common story. No shared narrative between you two.

It doesn't invalidate either individual's experience. Doesn't disregard the past pain or hurt.

Closure...

It is shutting a door. Ending a season. Sending whatever pain might be attached to it away with the past.

It's admitting to what you did that you shouldn't have done. What you didn't do that you should have done.

Acknowledging the role you played in the way things went down. Acknowledging your hand in the mess that was made.

Without forcing the other individual to do the same. Without any solid expectations of what that other person might say. Do. Think. Feel.

It's hard. It's awkward. It's weird. Especially if it's in person. After a lot of time has passed.

It's scary. You don't know what will happen. What feelings might resurface. What the other person will say. If they have a hidden agenda.

But true closure...in the deepest sense of the word...

Requires forgiveness.

Letting go of all the pent up anger and resentment.

Acknowledging the anger. The resentment. Maybe even the hate. Or what you once felt so strongly, you thought was hate.

Acknowledging. And validating those legitimate feelings you have.

And then...letting them go.

Choosing forgiveness over unforgiveness.

Choosing ot see that individual as a person. Realizing that they are human They make mistakes. They fail. They mess up. Just like you.

And because of that, they are worthy of forgiveness.

Worthy

               Of

                        Forgiveness

Just like we all are.

Brokenness can be healed.
Woundedness can be fixed.
Anger can be let go.
Hate can be lost.
Resentment can disappear.

But only if blame is let go first.
And only if you're willing to see that person as human.
As equal.
As worthy of forgiveness.

Doing so doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't mean they didn't deeply hurt you. It doesn't mean what they did wasn't damaging in a very big way.

It simply means...
          finding

               closure

Finally, after all this time, putting an end to the cycle of hate, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness.

Removing that negativity. Healing those deep wounds. And trading it all in for:

Forgiveness
Reconciliation
Peace
Healing
And much, much needed...


C   L   O   S   U   R   E