Nothing to do, nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one but me
And that's all I need...
I'm perfectly lonely
'Cause I don't belong to anyone, and no one belongs to me
And just as he concludes in this song, Perfectly Lonely...
That's the way that I want it.
There is something so peaceful about being alone. No, not the feeling of loneliness, but being alone. It is as John Mayer calls it "perfectly lonely." Because it's a state in which one finds comfort. Rest. Happiness. Contentment
All in the solitude of being alone.
Of being...perfectly lonely.
If you allow yourself to let go of your insecurities long enough. To think beyond loneliness. To see the beauty in solitude. In quiet. To be content without anyone else around. To talk to or lean on.
You will be...perfectly lonely.
You will become your own best friend. Biggest fan. Favorite company. And strongest advocate.
You will discover your soul's deepest desires. Your inner thoughts. Your heart's truest longings.
And more importantly, you will come to love yourself, accept yourself and validate yourself...just as you are.
But you first have to let go of those fears of being alone. The insecurities of being judged or rejected. That step is crucial to reach a state of being perfectly lonely. I am utterly convinced.
This is all on my mind tonight, because I had the most perfectly lonely evening.
It all started with noticing that my favorite wine store, WineNation, was having a class and tasting called "Intro to Italy." I am traveling to Italy this summer with my Dad. The trip will be a quick 10 day tour of Italy, stopping through Rome, Tuscany, Florence and Venice, and taking the train between all of them. Being a huge wine drinker (yes, I am only 21, but I grew up in a wine family...who drank wine every evening with dinner), drinking all of the local Italian wines was one of the parts of this trip that I have been looking forward to the most. So, when I saw this class, I thought that it would be such a great way to learn a little bit about the wines that I'll be drinking. And that it would allow me to enter Italy with a little more knowledge on the regional wines.
Well, it is Spring Break here. And that means everyone is home or out on their wild adventures. Which left me with no one to go to this class with. A two hour class and tasting, which I knew would be filled with couples and groups of women going out for the night.
But, I really wanted to go. I knew it might be awkward. That I might stick out as the only person in the room who came alone. I didn't care. I was way too excited about the opportunity to learn about Italian wines. And so, I decided to go.
I pushed my insecurities aside, and I bought my ticket.
And I decided to treat myself to dinner out at Panera beforehand. Yes, I took myself out on a date tonight. A date...to Panera and to a wine tasting. With only myself.
And I can tell you with certainty that it was the greatest date I've ever been on.
While eating my favorite Panera combo of half salad and half Mac & Cheese, I lost myself in a book I recently bought: The Story of Assisi, part of Lina Duff Gordon's Mediaeval Towns series. One of maybe 15 or so in the series, this book was published in 1900 in an attempt to tell the beautiful story of this incredible city.
It has a blue cover with gold writing and embellishments on the binding. The pages are brown, creased and uneven along the edges. The side binding has beautiful gold depictions, as does the cover.
It is the oldest, most fragile book I have ever owned. I discovered it at Commonwealth, a used bookstore in Boston, earlier this week. I spotted one on the shelf and was immediately in awe of its beautiful cover and fragile state. Upon seeing it was the Story of Milan, and then discovering that it was part of a larger series, I began to search for more Italian cities in the series. And I found this one: Assisi. The town that gave birth and fame to St. Francis. I was immediately drawn to it. I knew I had to purchase it. I've always wanted to learn more about this man who was such a pure and true man of faith.
And so I bought the book.
And tonight, alone in a booth at Panera, I dove right in.
I was hooked. Captivated by the wars and struggles. Mesmerized by the history of the city. And the life of the man who made it known.
And as I read at Panera, I felt myself enter a state of utter contentment. I felt more at peace, more happy about spending time with myself than I have in a very long time.
You know how people say the best way to invest in a relationship is to spend quality time with that person? That that is truly the best way to show someone that you really love them?
Well, I am thoroughly convinced after tonight that that is utterly true. But more importantly, that its truth transcends relationships with others to speak also about our relationship with the self.
Yes, I think we need to spend quality time in ourselves. With ourselves. To invest in ourselves. And show ourselves that we love ourselves. To validate ourselves. Build our confidence. Remind us of how worthy of love we are. And to just be in tune and in touch with ourselves.
If we don't have a healthy relationship with ourselves, how can we with others? And these things are critical in establishing a healthy relationship.
As I emmersed myself in the enthralling story of Assisi, I felt those things.
Sitting in a booth at Panera, all by myself...
Sitting at the corner of a table at a wine tasting, all by myself..
I invested in myself.
As people chatted away with their friends and romantic partners, I soaked in the experience. Listened deeply to the teacher. Focused in on the wines. Enjoyed them. Focused in on myself. And enjoyed myself.
Yes, I was...perfectly lonely.
And I could not ask for more.
For those of you who have a tough time with being content alone. Who easily sink into loneliness. I want to share with you a quote from the teacher of the wine class this evening that really resonated with me more than anything else I heard. More than the deep red wines or the sweet whites. More than the informative overview of grape varieties or the lesson on how to read an Italian wine label...
"The harder the vines work, the better the wine they produce. Just like in life. The more hardships we encounter, the more character we build.So the grapes that grow in harsher weather conditions in the colder mountains of Northern Italy, produce better, higher quality wines."
I love this metaphor. It speaks to the human experience and to the value of hardship. The intense character building process of facing loneliness. Overcoming inadequacies. Leaving behind insecurities.
Soak in the hardship, folks. Face the loneliness, if that's what gets you down. Or whatever other area of life in which you encounter your insecurities. Fight them.
Spend quality time with yourselves. Alone. In the quiet and in the noise. In the privacy of your own home and in crowded public places.
And you will come to know yourself better. Love yourself more. Find peace and contentment in being alone.
Give it a try. Give it time. And you will learn what it's like to be...
PERFECTLY
LONELY
Something that I am convinced is a life-long lesson. And one that allows us to produce better wine in the long run.
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