A time to forget about my to do list. Remove myself from stress and obligations. To forget that I'm a full time student with classes and homework. An employee with assignments and deadlines.
A place to unplug. A large, yet utterly empty home on the beach. Without wireless Internet, cable, or good cell reception. Just a journal, a pen, a bottle of wine, and a good friend with whom to share the silence.
There is nothing more peaceful. Nothing more natural for me. Nothing more refreshing and stimulating. Than to sit in the silence and to write. To let my soul speak. To let my brain word vomit everything it had been holding in until it could find a moment's rest.
How I long for these times of rest. Of being with myself and God and possibly a friend who understands and sees the beauty in stillness and silence. I have become so consumed by the chaos of life. So stuck in it that I have become obsessed with what I have to do and blind to what my soul longs and needs to do.
Balance has been completely lacking from my life. I have lacked the diligence and discipline to harness balance in my life lately. In truth, balance is hard work. Ignoring your soul and spirit's needs is far easier this ignoring homework and deadlines. Because those have to be done. According to some external authority at least. While the desires and needs of your soul have no authority to speak for them. To advocate for their urgency. To press for their legitimacy.
No, the longings if the soul are seen as soft. Idealistic. Willing to wait. Unimportant. Second. A thing to consider when tasks have been completed and deadlines have been met.
And today I realize that I have been far too guilty of believing these lies. I have ignored the needs of my soul for all the reasons above. And it had been yelling at me, "give me at least a chance at happiness!" but I have been far too busy to answer. To ask my spirit what it needs in life right now. To consider its longings worthy of response. To step away from the chaos and into a quiet place. Alone with myself. Long enough to realize...
This
Is
No
Way
To
Live.
What good is finishing these deadlines if tomorrow there will only be more? What good are these tiny completed tasks if they do nothing for my spiritual health?
This may be the way that the world lives, but that does not mean I have to succumb to it. There are many ways of the world that I choose to avoid. Why not this one?
I have to do better.
I have to rest more. To pause more. To breath deeply more. I have to read and write. To light a candle and sip a glass of wine in a silent room. To close my eyes, fall to my knees, and pray for hours.
I have to fuel my soul. It needs energy. It needs to be on fire again. Because its fire has been blown out by the daily chaos of this world.
I have to be more positively selfish. To look at spiritual health and happiness not as only matters of the heart and mind, but matters of physical health. Like taking vitamins and getting enough sleep. My soul needs things to sustain its health, too. And I have to recognize and act on that.
I am looking for a transformation in my life. For a life-altering change in the way I live everyday. For a revival of my soul. A renaissance of rest and passion. A revolutionary union of mind, body, and soul. A resurrection of my fire for life. Not for schedules and to do lists. For life.
Vibrant
Awakened
Colorful
Life.
And it all starts here...
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