Conversations with God

God, is this something you want me to do?
     Look into it.

     Think about it.

     Be open to it.

But why the World Race?

     Because, I created you to serve.

Wow. Okay. So, does that mean you want me to redirect my future toward...mission work?

     This will open your eyes.

To what?

     To how big I can use you.

Huh?

     To how I can use you in big ways.

But what about eXile? aren't you calling me to work for them?

     For now.

Well, how long is that?

     Be patient. You'll see.

So, you're asking me to apply for the World Race? When?
     Not now. Look into it. Think about it. Be open to it.
God, do you really want me to do this? I mean, let's be real...that's kinda huge.

     You are huge in me. I'm calling you to be huge. To do huge things.

     Because I am huge. And you are in me. And that makes you huge, too.

Conversations with God...

Yeah, they sound totally crazy. It's hard to wrap your brain around the idea that God would speak directly to you. It sounds utterly insane to nonbelievers. Another one of those things that makes Christians look crazy. A lot of Christians have a hard time even buying into it. I mean surely a God this big has a lot more important things to do than talk to me. I couldn't be that important. Besides, how do you even know that it's God and not that little voice in your head. It's probably just your own thoughts. Not God.

Sometimes, that's exactly what I think.
I doubt.
I question.
I say, it's just my brain talking things out.
Just me answering my own questions.

But you know those moments when something just feels right? Often they happen with major life decisions or when there's suddenly a fork in the road, and we have to choose a path. And that something just feels right. You feel it in your gut. In your bones. And you know it's exactly what you're meant to do.

Well, those are the moments when I usually hear God. Those big, life-defining, direction-choosing moments. There's been a few of those times in my life. And I just knew. I felt Him. I heard Him say what to do or where to move.

But this was different. This was a conversation. Back and forth. Questions and answers. You speak while I listen and then we switch...conversation with God.

And over and over again, I asked, "God, is that really you? Or am I just thinking all of these thoughts? Cause I'm struggling to buy into this right now."

But it was Him. I doubted and questioned. Until His presence showed up. And I just knew. Because not only did I hear Him. But I felt Him.

I've been thinking about the World Race lately. It keeps coming to my mind as a possibility for the future. It sneaks in unexpectedly, and I think about it for hours. Wander around their website. Look through pictures. Read some blog posts.

But today, all of a sudden it invaded my mind during my time in the prayer room. In an overwhelming way. I couldn't focus on other people's prayers anymore. All I could think about was the reasons this could be a good fit for me.

And so I thought...alright, if this is invading my mind in this holy prayer room, where I know Your presence lingers...You must want to talk about this.

And so, I asked...

God, is this something you want me to do?
     Look into it.

     Think about it.

     Be open to it.

But why the World Race?

     Because, I created you to serve.

Wow. Okay. So, does that mean you want me to redirect my future toward...mission work?

     This will open your eyes.

To what?

     To how big I can use you.

Huh?

     To how I can use you in big ways.

But what about eXile? aren't you calling me to work for them?

     For now.

Well, how long is that?

     Be patient. You'll see.

So, you're asking me to apply for the World Race? When?
     Not now. Look into it. Think about it. Be open to it.
God, do you really want me to do this? I mean, let's be real...that's kinda huge.

     You are huge in me. I'm calling you to be huge. To do huge things.

     Because I am huge. And you are in me. And that makes you huge, too.

HOLY CRAP! What a wake up call to two very big things:

1) My plans are meaningless, and His plans are glorious.
2) I'm huge in Him. And that means I'm called to do huge things.

I am a planner. I always have been. And God keeps interrupting me. Intruding on those plans. To show me that that's not my job. It's His. And every time I start to act like I've got these plans set in stone for my future, I'm overstepping Him. I'm kicking Him out of that process. I'm failing to acknowledge that He calls the shots in my life. I am to follow only where He leads. I am to enter only where He opens doors. I am to go only where He asks me to go. My plans are worthless. But His plans, as secret and hard to discover as they might be, are glorious. Perfect in every way. It's constantly been the toughest aspect of God for me to comprehend. The hardest struggle I have in following Him. And I love that He sees that and takes the time to work with me on it. To step in and teach me. To strengthen and grow me there in my weakness.

While that first thought was more a reminder than a wake up call, this second one was a totally new concept for me.

I'm huge in you? Really? Little, weak, miserable, unworthy me? Is huge?

But we are...aren't we? When we are in Him.

As humans, we are weak, but He is strong. Dirty, but He is clean. Fallible, but He is perfect. Wrong, but He is right. Small, but He is big.

That part, I've always understood. Cause that's easy to see in ourselves. It's why we want, need, and come to God in the first place for many of us.

But when He is in us and we are in Him...that changes things.

Because He fills our voids with His fulness. Brings strength to our weaknesses. Makes us pure again. Whole again. Rushes in to fill us with all that He is. To prune us of all the imperfections that we are.

And until He whispered it so clearly in my ears in the prayer room, I never realized it, but...that makes us HUGE.

In Him, we are HUGE. And we're called to use that HUGENESS to do HUGE things.

We don't get to sit back and be lazy. No, we get the utter privilege of doing HUGE things in this world. Of acting in HUGE ways to bring forth His kingdom.

No excuses.
He equipped us.
We are HUGE.

So let's start living like we're huge. And never settle for being anything less than HUGE. Doing anything less than HUGE things. Or creating anything less than HUGENESS in this world.